


The Very Touch of You

by deandcastiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bunker Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, i'll change the rating if that happens, it's g for now but if I continue it expect sex eventually, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-26
Updated: 2013-09-25
Packaged: 2017-12-26 14:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/967143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deandcastiel/pseuds/deandcastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean almost expects Cas to be completely different somehow, after he shows up looking ragged and utterly human on the bunker doorstep one crisp autumn evening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> I just had this idea about Cas touching Dean to ground him after he falls and then this happened. For spoilers and backstory: this is supposed to be happening after the events of the season 9 promo trailer, so after Sam is healed and they're back in the bunker.

Dean almost expects Cas to be completely different somehow, after he shows up looking ragged and utterly human on the bunker doorstep one crisp autumn evening. Maybe he even fears it, remembering that drugged-out broken smile of another Cas, fallen too. He sleeps now and eats with them, does y'know, bathroom things but to his relief, he's still  _Cas_. Grumpy, stubborn, too-much-heart, I-don't-understand-your-references(although Dean is trying to remedy that slowly) Cas. Something he almost misses though, in trying to look for bigger signs, is how much Cas  _touches_  now. 

He had stiffened, that first afternoon when Dean had pulled him into a crushingly-tight hug, but then he had melted, almost collapsing into Dean, had rested his cheek on Dean's shoulder and let out a choked sigh.

After that, once he's situated with them in the bunker, he constantly touches Dean, in small ways. He had always stood too close, Dean had been used to that for years, but never reached  _out_  like he does now.

It starts off slow: just a brush of his hand against Dean's shoulder or arm to accompany the  _Dean_  when he wants to call his attention. Then: a splay of his leg so that his knee rests against Dean's when they're watching a movie, the three of them, or sometimes when Sam is busy, the two of them alone. Quick, passing touches on his back as he's walking by Dean in the kitchen or somewhere else in the bunker. Accidental brushes of their hands when they walk together that sometimes linger too long to be accidental. He notices the lingering ones when they happen, sure, pretends he doesn't and tells his hammering heart to  _calm the fuck down, jesus_ and tries not to make anything of the electricity in them but he does notice. 

He doesn't realize it had become a running  _thing_ though, until one morning when he tells Cas that he bought some more of those damn fancy coffee beans he likes so much and Cas quirks a grateful smile at him and drops a quick peck against his cheek before walking away. It stops him cold, not because it feels unnatural but because it doesn't- which, _what the fuck?_

He thinks back, the whole thing dawning on him and then he's screwed because then he really starts to notice. All the fucking time. The brushes, the lingers, everything. But he doesn't dare draw attention to them or try to mention them to Cas because he thinks maybe they're reflexive, they're small enough to be so after all and if he points them out, Cas will stop.  Because fuck it, they're  _nice_. They're constant little reminders that Cas is there, safe by his side and Dean has always liked touching, even with one night stands he loved holding and caressing and touching as much as the actual sex. 

He feels pathetic for it, but he resigns to just enjoy what he has, wants to talk it further sometimes, grab Cas's hand and  _hold_  when their hands brush but he's too afraid of Cas pulling away. 

Then, one night, he's woken by the sound of the bare feet padding across his room and a hesitant "Dean". He opens his eyes, a second of trained panic turning into confusion when he sees by the thin shaft of light coming in through the barely open door that it's Cas, in muted gray sweatpants and one of his old band shirts that he had lent Cas for sleeping in. 

"Cas?" He says, voice hoarse with sleep, "You okay, man?"

"I-yes- I don't know." A tired sigh.

He sits up, flicking his bedside lamp on because Cas sounds wrecked. He pats the other side of his bed, asking Cas to sit. 

Cas does, heavily and folds his hands in his laps, and looks at them like hands are suddenly very interesting. 

"Talk." Cas squirms a little, still not meeting Dean's eyes but he talks, softly.

"I-I had crippling nightmares almost every night before I came here to you and Sam and they had stopped briefly but they seem to have started again. I haven't been able to sleep the past few nights." He looks up at Dean finally and Dean can see it, how tired he looks, the bags under his eyes and he kicks himself for not noticing them before. They had been been busy with the hunt the past few days, coming in late and crashing and getting up early the next morning so there hadn't been any time. 

"I thought about how touching you grounds me-"

"Wait, what?" Dean says sharply, his head spinning a little. 

"I don't know if you noticed but-"

"Yeah uh, I noticed. The uh, touching. But what, it uh 'grounds you'?" And there's his bastard of a heart again, picking up and thumping away. 

"I'm sorry, maybe I should've explained. But I was hesitant to- broach the topic, I thought it might make you uncomfortable but you never flinched away so I hoped you either didn't notice or didn't mind. "

Dean clears his throat, tries to make his voice sound not-weird, stares at the side of Cas's face, where he's looking down at his hands again.

"Explain it to me."

Cas shifts on the bed, huffs out some air. 

"Humanity, I noticed from the moment I knew I had fallen, is _intense_. Everything about it, even the good feelings is often too much. And it's difficult, with my angel mind and memories and this human body, to bridge that gap but when you hugged me at my arrival, for the first time since I became human and it was like the intensity of humanity but bottled up. It was something I could focus in on, something I could handle in all the clamoring _too much_ of being human with angel memories. So when I feel humanity edging in, digging at the angel in me, I find a familiar intensity." He shrugs simply, looking up at Dean now, his gaze a burning thing. "I find you." 

Dean looks away, his heart trying to hammer its way up into his throat and the air feels stretched thin and yet so  _heavy_. "Uh, so what does that have to do with" he gestures with a hand, not trusting words right then, his mind elsewhere, racing, playing Cas's words on a loop. 

He doesn't reply for a long time and when he does, he sounds o tired, resigned "I was desperate and I thought perhaps if I could lie with you, it would help ground me against the nightmares too so I meant to ask- I-I'm sorry." 

Cas gets up suddenly, face flushed, eyes dropping to his hands again. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have intruded- shouldn't have burdened you with all this I will-"

"C'mere." Dean interrupts, lying back and patting the bed again, with a clearly different insinuation this time. 

"Dean?" Cas says hesitantly, a trace of something hopeful in his voice.

He scrubs a hand through his face, not knowing how to say everything he wants to say and suddenly very very tired. "I don't know. I need to think about all that and maybe we need to talk about it but not right now. So just come here, you're tired. "

Cas almost stumbles forward, hesitant still, folds into the space Dean has created for him under the blanket clumsily. He lies on his side- almost facing Dean but not quite, keeping a few inches between him and curling into himself a bit. Making himself smaller, Dean thinks, following his movements and it twists him up, watching. 

Dean lets out a small noise of frustration at the back of his throat thinks yeah,  _fuck that_ and pushes and pulls until Cas is pressed against his, his arms around Cas's middle, chin tucked over his head. He reaches out and clicks the lamp off, plunging them into darkness.

"Better?"

Cas melts against him almost immediately,  hooking his leg around one of Dean's almost reflexively. "Yes." he murmurs, sounds like he might be smiling. 

"Go to sleep." Dean orders and Cas does, almost immediately, breathes evening out. Looks like he was right, Dean muses to himself and then sighs because  _shit_. He knows they have to talk about it in the morning, that this could the tip into the something more that he knows they've been dancing around for a while but never known how to breach. And most of it, Dean doesn't even know how to begin with, its feels too damn hard and hasn't ever been his area of expertise.

But Dean has always known how to take care of people he cares about, how to touch and be touched, so this, falling asleep with Cas in his arms, feels really really easy. 


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes up surrounded by a soft warmth that only a body lying snug against you can provide and it draws a content smile out of him, eyes still closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have no idea where this is going but I'm just letting the story guide me so this could be the last chapter or the very beginning, we'll see.

Dean wakes up surrounded by a soft warmth that only a body lying snug against you can provide and it draws a content smile out of him, eyes still closed. A slight turn of his head causes his lips to brush against Cas's hair- and shit, _Cas_. 

His eyes fly open inches from a mop of messy black hair, the events of the night before coming rushing back. 

Their legs are tangled together, Dean's arm holding Cas's waist, holding him to his chest and the contentment quickly sours into bewilderment. He doesn't wanna wake Cas up though, not yet, so he squeezes his eyes shut and breathes for a second. Cas wanted this, wanted to,  _wants_  to, be close to him but what does that mean? Does he want more? Does he even  _know_  what he wants?

He can't deny the niceness of this, can't ration away the niceness of being able to hold Cas close and wake up to him. But when is he ever allowed to have what he wants anyway? 

He works himself up to a panic by the time Cas stirs in his arms, disentangling himself from Dean as he stirs. Dean lets him but he stays close, forces himself to breathe and not flee. He props himself up on an elbow and watches Cas waking up and it calms him, seeing Cas so vulnerable. 

"Dean." he murmurs, as soon as his eyes look up and meet green. He sounds surprised, relieved maybe. 

"So I guess you were right, huh? Knocked you right out." 

"Yes.... Dean, I'm sorry about burdening-" 

"Don't. " He can almost see the words play out, Cas apologizing for being a burden, denying things and closing off, ready to accept whatever Dean interprets this as. He's fucking sick  and tired of denying everything. Life never gives them enough time together and they spend so much of it pretending. 

"Don't do that. Talk to me, man. What do you want from me? What do you want this to be?" 

He looks confused at that, furrows his eyebrows and opens his mouth as if to speak but he can't seem to say anything or doesn't know how to.

"Look, if this is just... a becoming human thing, if you just need to sleep here and be close to someone... I can do that. But you gotta tell me man, if you want more..." He trails off, watching his face for a reaction. It takes him a second, but then he gets this look, like he's discovering something precious and can't quite believe it.

"And if I want more?" He echoes, eyes alive with question, a small smile curving up his lower lip. 

Holy  _shit_. 

Dean doesn't, can't, move for a moment, frozen in place by the sheer force of the realization. When he moves up and closer, it's hesitant at first, lets Cas curl towards him by increments, open, waiting. He curls a hand around Cas's jaw, watches him close his eyes and lean into the touch like he's starving for it and then, gently, as if he's afraid he'll break something, leans forward and touches his lips to Cas's chapped ones.

Cas hesitates for a beat, and then he's there with a soft hitch at the back of his throat, lips moving against his. He makes that sound again when Dean catches his upper lip softly between his lips, swiping his tongue over it and then Cas is opening up for him letting the kiss turn open mouthed and deep, breathes coming out hot and rough.

He draws back after a moment because they both need to breathe but changes his mind at least 3 times, laying soft barely-there kisses on the lips that are following his own as he's moving away. He notices that with a thrill, that Cas follows him. He finally pulls away and Cas lays his head back on the pillow, pupils blown wide and lips red and slick with spit and Dean just takes a second to admire how debauched he looks and he did that, _they_  did that. 

"Does that answer your question?" He says, grinning like a fucking idiot he's sure, he can feel the smile stretching his lips too wide. 

"Yes." Cas answers sincerely, the rhetorical nature of the question going over his head and it's so Cas that his heart squeezes in his chest and all he can think is _I want to keep this_.  
But there's already a voice in the back of his head saying, _what if you can't?_

"Dean?" Cas stretches his hand out to Dean's face, concerned and rubs his thumb over the side of his mouth where his smile is fading.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good. " He kisses the hand, takes it in his and squeezes like it's the most natural thing in the world and that, how natural this already is, makes him ask. 

"Are you staying, Cas? With us, here? Or is there a time limit I'm working against? Because if we're gonna do this, whatever it is, I need to know you won't walk away again. " 

He doesn't reply for a while, watched Dean for a bit and then drops his eyes to their hands, speaking softly, hesitantly. 

"I don't know." 

Dean drops his hand like it stung him. "You don't know?"

His eyes, when they meet Dean's are pleading, begging him to listen.  
"I want to, with all my heart. You have to believe that, Dean. But I don't want to make promises I can't keep. My brothers and sisters are still out there and though they refused my help, they might need it and I don't know.... I have learned that life is anything but fair to our wants. " 

He takes Dean's hand again, watching him swallow heavily and take the words in. 

"And does it change anything?" He draws Dean down by the hand, meeting him halfway to press a gentle kiss to his lips. 

"Does it change that?" He draws back and smiles almost sadly at the inevitability of them. 

Dean huffs out a dry laugh, quirking his lips up in a smile mirroring Cas's without meaning to. 

"Just? Can you tell me, sit me down and explain if you need to leave? Can you promise that much?"  
"Yes, of course." 

And that's that, Dean feels raw and talked out, suddenly wanting nothing more than to sink back onto his memory foam with Cas against his chest. He drops down with a sigh, mumbling something about how it's too early to be up, they can sleep for a couple more hours. Cas laughs, breathless, relieved that the promise is enough and turns towards Dean, nudging him so his back is pressed against Cas's chest and his arms are wrapped around Dean's waist. Dean grumbles in surprise but lets himself be turned.

"Are you little spooning me?" He tries his best to sound indignant. 

"Dean, sleep." Cas replies and Dean is pretty sure he's laughing at him but it's okay because then he's turning Dean's head slightly to press a kiss to the side of his lips.

He grins when Cas has settled back in place, and falls asleep with Cas pressed against him again and something more, the new, sweet taste of Cas still lingering on his lips. 


End file.
